Venus de Trump
May 29, 2016

This week Donald Trump proved that he has what it takes to win over the Republican Party: he got to the magic number of 1,237 delegates. Recap: this means there will be no contested convention and Donald Trump is pretty much guaranteed the nomination. Cue the winning candidate breaking open the bubbly, and everyone else bookmarking the Air Canada website. And what better way to commemorate his inevitable presidency and celebrate his greatness than by building a statue of himself in the nation’s capital? Trump hasn’t specified who would pay for it but we’re betting it would probably be paid for in pesos.
But before that idyllic moment can come, Trump has a much more daunting task ahead of him: defeating likely Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton. His biggest challenge? Broadening his base of support by convincing women, minorities and educated voters that he’s the best person for the highest job in the land. Looks like those Twitter rants will eventually come back to haunt him. #SadEmoji. Unfortunately Trump is yet to convince the bigwigs in his own party to endorse him or fundraise on his behalf, and GOP unity is utterly necessary for winning back the White House this year.
In other Trumpian news, a judge is ordering the release of documents related to the Trump University fraud lawsuit, mostly because Trump is the presumptive nominee and that kind of information is now in the public interest. Like Trump’s tax returns. Trump said that everybody loved his university and called the judge a hater because he’s a Mexican. Cue racism backlash from those previous “Mexicans are rapists” comments. Haters gonna hate.
Feel like a move to Canada is sooo 2015? Movie for your mood: Eat, Pray, Love.